The Right Stuff

 

This winter, we've been blessed with the most beautiful frost. Soft, white feathers seem to almost float on the branches of every tree, turning the dead brown twigs into glittering fingers, reaching for something ethereal, magical. 
Of course, the winter wonderland effect is created by moisture in the air, most notably, fog. I had my little Mazda 5 parked outside in this fog, and while the result on the trees is breathtaking, the result on my windshields elicited more of a grumble than a sigh from me. I reached into my car and grabbed a used Target gift card to scrape that ONE window that hadn't defrosted yet; as I did, I began to reflect, not on the beauty around me, but on how much easier my life would be if I still had an ice scraper in my car. Before I get too far, I have to wonder if there is anything more North Dakotan than scraping a window with a gift card or credit card. Who hasn't done this at one point in our life, sacrificing the clean edges of plastic over the ice and praying that the ice will chip off just a big enough spot to see through before we drive on our way? Just last week, as an extreme example, my daughter sent me a video of someone using a clarinet reed to scrape their window. (I have to believe, for the sake of my faith in humanity, that said video was made for comedic effect and not because anyone would actually destroy a reed in the name of clearing their car window.) However, it made me think of all the times we make our lives harder by not using or having the right tools. 
Yes, improvising with a credit card (or heaven forbid, a clarinet reed) has its benefits - when I'm forced to make do, I'm stronger, wiser, and at least a little more creative in my problem solving for it. But so many times, we waste our resources by simply not having the right doohickey available for the job. 
In some cases, it's a lack of money, social support, or time that cause the deficiency. Many people push on through their lives without having what they need, but making it work, hammering square nails into round holes until their hands bleed, but the job is done. 
Sometimes, however, we do it to ourselves. We convince ourselves that we're too busy or too rushed to get the tools we need. Sometimes, our pride and stubborn independence causes us to deny what we really need to be successful. This is true for practical, physical tools (like the right wrench or an ice scraper), but it's equally true for emotional and social tools as well. "I don't have time for therapy." "I don't need someone to help me; I can do it on my own." "I'm strong enough to handle this alone."
This makes a potentially smooth road into a bumpy one, sapping even more of our time and resources. It develops grit, yes, but it also steals something more valuable than time. It steals our peace and our gratitude. When things that should be easy are consistently difficult, we begin to begrudge our lives. We (or at least, I) begin to resent the fact that we're working twice as hard as we should have to all the time; and while the root issues of this are nuanced and complex, often all we need to do is find the right tools. We can call a friend, schedule a session with a therapist, go to that doctor's appointment, take care of ourselves, or simply ask for help. If we can give ourselves the right tools to handle the hard, we can make our pathways a little straighter and our gratitude can deepen. We can appreciate the life we have instead of resenting the difficulties. We can see the beauty in the frost. 
Additionally, if I get myself the right tools, I can share those tools with others and be a catalyst for change in others who have fewer resources. When I'm healthy, rested, and whole, I can pull myself out of survival mode and reach down to help pull another person out. I can hand them a tool that makes their road smoother and it will have a ripple effect. 
Admittedly, I have a lot of work to do. I write this because, more often than not, I'm using the credit card for the ice scraper. More often than not, I'm refusing the tools I need because I think I can just do it myself. More often than not, I'm traveling the rougher road because, if I'm honest with myself, I'm afraid of the smoother one. It's unfamiliar; the tools feel strange in my hand and I'm hesitant that by using them, I might break the very thing that I'm trying to fix. 
I need to take my own advice - reach for the tools you need instead of stubbornly settling for the tools in your belt. Get the right stuff so you can spend more time in gratitude than resentment. Get the ice scraper so you can enjoy the frosty weather. 

By Rebecca Maloney