Can a little gratitude help heal division in a family?

 

BEST SUNDAY CONVERSATION WITH MY BROTHER: My brother and his wife were passing through town last weekend. I was honored that he messaged me and asked if we could have coffee together. You see, in my family, there is a lot of division. My brother is pictured above with my mom outside my brother's home celebrating his graduation. This picture was taken in 2021. My brother had just graduated from NDSU with his master's degree. The division in my family, foremost, lies with my brother. He has chosen, long ago, to cut out most everyone else in my family--and for good reason. My older brother and father have been outspoken against Abe because he married someone they did not approve of. At least, that's the surface reason. It goes far deeper than that. My dad put my younger brother through college. My dad has always been kind of sore that my brother has not paid him back. It is just sad that the two don't take anymore. My brother is also against one of my sisters. I write all this now not to complain, but to celebrate a proud moment my brother and I shared this past Sunday.

It has been my gratitude for my brother that has actually preserved our relationship. I am grateful that he messages me. I am grateful that we can share conversations over the dinner table, enjoying our coffee and joking around. I simply do not believe my father and older brother are grateful enough for my other brothers and sisters, because gratitude supersedes anger and resentment. 

I am also grateful that my lovely Becki could join us during this Sunday conversation. My brother had his wife there as well. We all chatted about general, as well as serious things. We chatted about parenting and vehicles. We also brainstormed strategies for helping my mom. She lives on her own, and we are just concerned about the long-term plan for her. She is closing in on seventy. 

Sharing a Sunday afternoon conversation with my brother made me realize how thankful I should be to have a brother. Not only that, but I'm grateful I have such a successful brother. He and his wife were driving a brand-new Tesla car. My brother has always been successful. He chose the right profession: software engineer. We talked that afternoon for well over an hour, enjoying coffee an lazy day. 

THE LESSON IS TO REPLACE: The lesson here is to replace anger and resentment with gratitude. If you're having a difficult time letting go of a grudge with someone, entertain thoughts instead on what you can be grateful for with that person. Is there a history you've shared that you could be grateful for? Is there a profession you share that you can be grateful for? Is there someone in common whom you both love that can build your gratitude? 

I realize that gratitude is no the cure all. But it can certainly heal a lot of wounds. And if helps heal the wound of a family grudge, then it's worth trying. I hope everyone gets to enjoy afternoon visits from a family member they don't see very often, one others should get along with but don't. It's time to heal division.